Stop trying so hard to make things happen

Have you ever noticed how sometimes it is the things that we want badly that do not happen? We try to make plans, to anticipate how to get to something or someone, yet nothing unfolds as we expected. Have you ever wondered what it means?

These situations are quite frustrating and we’ve all been there. We feel like everything that can go wrong has gone wrong—sometimes referred to as Murphy’s Law. I’ll take the example of someone I know who’s trying to organise his wedding. Granted, in 2020, that was not the easiest year considering all the restrictions around Covid-19. The original date had to be postponed due to the lockdown and impossibility to travel. But then the second date also was cancelled under similar circumstances. As I write these lines, a third date is scheduled for the end of January.

What would you think in such a situation? Often there are 2 opposite views:

• A POSITIVE OUTLOOK: the couple needs to be strong, go through all the ordeals and they’ll finally succeed and get their ceremony. They will grow a strong relationship because they’ve endured and proven they can get over this problem together.
• A NEGATIVE OUTLOOK: this is simply not meant to happen—at least right now—and the third attempt will likely fail too.

It is much easier to observe the events from an external standpoint to analyse what can possibly be going on. When we are involved personally—therefore emotionally for such events—it becomes hard to see the signs on the way. But there were some signs I believe: a full box of bottles for the celebration arrived damaged; the company in charge of organising the original ceremony had a change of management and for a moment they were at risk of going bankrupt (that was before coronavirus); and then… coronavirus! Could these signs be interpreted as bad omens for the coming celebration? That’s where it becomes a matter of belief.

I believe that when many difficulties are put on our way it is a sign that something’s off at the root of our desire. Often I’ve found that when I’m overly attached to something it simply won’t happen. When I managed to let go of having that particular thing happening, it would sometimes happen effortlessly soon after; at other times the delay in time acted like a protective buffer and allowed me to see that this particular pursuit was not worth my time and effort and I’d simply forget about it.

I’ll give you an anecdote. Once I was walking around in New-Zealand by a river when I found a tag hanging from a tree. It was a written message saying ‘sometimes not having what you wanted is the true gift’. That’s called a synchronicity because this sentence was helping me dealing with a situation at that exact moment. It was sort of sent by God. There is some deep wisdom in that saying. Often, we get stubborn and want something so badly but actually we can’t see that we are going to hurt ourselves. Sometimes we simply don’t get what we want but that is the best thing that could have happened to us! It is designed for our highest good. What if a higher intelligence was actually protecting us from ourselves?

Back to the wedding. Is it possible that for the highest goods of these 2 people the ceremony is just not permitted to take place? What if they wanted it so badly that they were blocking the manifestation? What if they needed to wait more and when the right time comes, it will be allowed to happen? Only time will tell. Some would say these thoughts are pure superstition; others would call it spiritual wisdom. You choose.

But I believe there’s a plan for each of us. When we want to take a route that is too far-off the plan and therefore not for us, resistance will be felt. Now that’s where it gets tricky because there are 2 types of resistance I’ve come across. The first type is a resistance that means it’s simply not for us and we should let go. The second type is meant to test our motivation and willpower through hardship and means we should try harder. But in my own experience, the second type is much less likely although it has happened. And generally it happened when I was in need of raising my energy and motivation around a particular pursuit. That is why whenever I feel resistance nowadays, I know there is something going on that requires me going deeper and reflecting on it.

What I’ve learned through many occurrences is that we are often unaware of the true consequences of the choices we make. We believe the decision we’ve just made will trigger good things in our life, yet sometimes it will just bring us misery. But it’s only after having gone through the whole experience that we can find out and—hopefully—make a sort of mental take-away note for next time; but often people don’t even realise why the resistance was first felt therefore they miss the point. They will keep insisting next time they find themselves in a similar situation. That sort of lesson will keep reoccurring till they get it. Life is simply designed that way.

For me the reality of this phenomenon is proven. It’s been so painful so many times that now I look twice before committing to something that shows early signs of bad omens. Then I know I need to tune in to my higher guidance for an important checkpoint. I trust that everything happens for my highest good in every moment and therefore I don’t force things to happen desperately. So my advice is: stop trying so hard to make something happen. Learn to see the early signs of resistance and reconsider your initial point of view. It will never hurt. And chances are you may be saving yourself a lot of pain in the future.